My sister is suffering and having to endure a lot.  Last year before Thanksgiving, she had a disc replacement.  Well, she didn’t get better, she has gotten worse.  Her doctor has been telling her he didn’t know why, and implying that it was all in her head.  About 3 weeks ago the doctor admitted that he fractured two of her vertebrae when he performed the surgery.  So now she is wearing a brace, but the doctor isn’t sure that will help.  Also it appears that she has nerve damage from it the whole ordeal.

On top of all of that, she has been dealing with either Lupus or RA.  They are running tests to find out for sure which it is.  It is looking like RA right now.  And they just found out that she has something wrong with her liver and is going to have a biopsy tommorrow on it. 

 

So, she is kind of falling apart physically and is doing all she can to trust the Lord through it.  My heart is breaking as I watch my sister endure this pain and suffering.

 

You see my sister is the most giving person I have ever met.  She loves to give and serve.  As soon as she became involved in her church she became a servant and would drive women that had health issues and couldn’t drive themselves, to doctors and take them shopping.  She would spend her days doing this just out of love for the Lord.  She will give to others even when it costs her and means that she has to give something up.  Honestly not many of us are truly like that.  And now she is the one that needs transportation, she is the one that needs to be served, and it is so very hard for her deal with.

 

But through her suffering, she is not wavering in the Lord.  She isn’t shaking an angry fist at the Lord and yelling, "why me?"!  She is saying, "whatever you ask Lord".  She has so much faith, it causes me to question my own.

 

Do I get angry and bitter when I am suffering?  Or do I humbly bow my will to my Savior’s much better plan?  I have to say I tend to wimper and whine, and I haven’t even endured a whole lot of suffering.  How ashamed I am of my lack of faith and trust and humility in suffering.  And the fears in my heart for my sister’s life and health, I beat down.  I choose to live in denial, rather than face it and the questions it brings in my heart.  The whys and how longs and what is going to happen.  I pretend.  But I don’t want to pretend any longer.

 

I want to remember that:

 

Even though I walk
       through the valley of the shadow of death,
       I will fear no evil,
       for you are with me;
       your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.

 

I want to remember that it applies not just to me, but to those I love.  I want to remember that God’s ways are not my ways, and I can trust Him.

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